Latest Innovation
Posted on : 18-09-2009 | By : anthony | In : Fiction, Science Fiction
Tags: #fridayflash, Fiction
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This isn’t my strongest piece and considering that I’ve been bad sick all week I probably should have stayed in bed and left well enough alone.
Yea, right.
This is also an experiment. I’m decent at description but wanted to try doing something in pure dialog to see if I could carry a story that way.
Anyway here is my September 18th #fridayflash. Please comment below!
“If you’ll step this way please I’d like to show you our latest product innovations.
This is the latest in the Gilboa line of housing units. It features a separate sleeping hut and designated toilet areas. It also has an insert for when you have to add or remove items from the unit. You can isolate even the most aggressive pet without harming them. It’s made of 20 gauge Stelanium and comes in a variety of sizes, ranging from the standard 2 metes tall by 3 metes wide and 2 metes deep to the luxury size of 2 by 6 by 4 and the brand new family size of 2 by 10 by 10. And best of all it has a new external access feeding facility so that you never have to open the cage!
Over here we have the newest Gath unit that comes completely covered in a TransparaStelanium dome. It also comes in the Standard, Luxury and Family sizes with diameters of 3, 8 and 12 metes respectively. The Luxury and Family sizes also come with a second access port that can be connected, via tubing, to additional units providing unlimited mix and match possibilities!
On those occasions when you have to dispose of a body because it has died or you accidentally allowed them to breed and now have too many, we now carry an extensive line of trap and removal devices designed specifically for that purpose.”
“What about instead of treating them like animals we treat them like living beings and let them alone? Let them live in the wild rather than capture and cage the for our amusement?”
“Is that you Eliana? Must you bring this up yet again? We’ve gone over this a hundred times, they aren’t like us, they ARE animals. Keeping them like this is probably better for them than if they were in the wild.”
“They are living creatures capable of intelligence and love and compassion. They have a soul and we have no right to treat them like this!”
“Come now Eliana. There is no evidence of that. There is no proof what-so-ever that they have a soul of any kind. They don’t even feel pain!
After all, they are only Human.”
Haha! I am wondering now who the keepers are, which I'm sure you deliberately withheld (or it's a stroke of unintentional genius). Great story!
Wow! A really nice flip on animal rights movement! Human rights!
A trap and removal device? You mean like the mousetraps that are sold all over the place, heh..
Glad you left your sick bed. Nicely done!
Lovely! I would say the experiment worked! Although, I do have to add that your dialogue was and is very descriptive! Worked nicely with the piece, though – thanks for posting that!
I was distracted just a bit by all the dimensions given, but other than that, the description gave a clear picture of the living quarters. Turnabout is fair play!
Good job, especially from a sick bed! I was wondering about the keepers, too. And the removal system was particularly chilling.
LOL! Great little story and actually, I didn't even notice that it was all dialog as I was reading (eventhough you said so upfront). I was still busy envisioning all the little details as I read, so great job. "Accidently allowed them to breed." This cracked me up. :-)
Very good!
Hey, if we were pets, does that mean we could sleep all day like our cats and dogs do, and not have to go to work…?
The bit about the second port via tubing "providing unlimited mix and match possibilities" , made me laugh – nifty piece of flash, made me happy even with the twist. Isnt' this really just reality TV? heheh
Ha! I was actually thinking this could be talking about humans, but that's probably my AR stripes showing! Very well done! It reminded me a little of "Planet of the Apes" and at the end a little like "Slaughterhouse five." :)
Cool peice! I think the dialogue works great.
Can the watering bottle be filled with Margaritas? With salt? ;)
Fun piece. I think it started out more like a monologue than a dialogue. I think a little more back and forth in the first half would have helped a little.
~jon
Cool Idea. I also felt tossed out of the story by the discussion of dimentions. Other than that I thought it worked well. Nice job. ~Chris
Very nice story. I'm in the group wanting to know who's higher on the ladder than us.